Ever since I have been looking into the truth and conspiracy world, I have felt like I am living two lives in two different worlds. I climb in and out.
Once you have stumbled into the parallel existence, it is hard to turn back, and that could be why many people don’t want to enter. Sometimes I feel I would like to rewind and not be here. The reason I got here was because I could not turn a blind eye to the endless paedophilia, war, mass slaughter, and slavery that are going on all over the world. And that’s what pulls me back in. I can’t go around in a superficial happy existence knowing what else is going on, and I don’t want to close down my mind and pretend.
The idea of two lives is curiously similar to the school/home, or work/home lifestyle we are all conditioned to from a very early age. Most people are programmed to be working to orders in one life (serving others, receiving money), and treating themselves to leisure and reward in the other life (being served, spending money). My double life does not involve money, but it does feel like two different worlds, with different sets of people. I feel split in two, and a more blended seamless life seems quite attractive.
I notice that my “home life” is mostly off the Internet, time doing everyday physical tasks, many of which I enjoy, earning some money to pay the essential bills, being with friends and family, and others I meet along my path, and being in touch with nature. Both the human spirit and the earth spirit are a big and valuable part of my home life. Every day I see examples of human love and kindness around me, amongst the trickery and programmed behaviour that we all still fall for.
My “work life” is mostly on the Internet, totally disconnected from the earth spirit, and with a weak form of human spirit, connected mostly via machines, the internet thereby being the middleman between us all. The machines have been made by the kind of slavery I am fighting against. I dislike the physical process of sitting at a computer, and I dislike the electronics and EMF interference created by the Internet world. The Internet world is more analytical, governed by words and images. The words and images are narrow, and limit my mind.
So why am I still here?
When I spend too long off the Internet, I find I miss and crave certain things, I almost feel ill without them. I miss writing, researching, and interacting with people who are also on a journey to uncover the truth. At the moment, it feels like the internet is the only place to get this. But if I can transfer these three things into my home life, maybe I could eliminate the Internet from my life and become more whole.
A friend of mine is not on the Internet and has no mobile phone. I had not seen her for several weeks. When she came round, we were amazed to find that our thinking was along incredibly similar lines. We wondered if we are all connecting anyway naturally without the Internet. But we think it is the Internet that is connecting us and holding us together because that’s what we are using, that’s the evidence our five senses tell us is true. The internet machines get the credit for connecting us. We feel dependent on the Internet to connect us, and fear and panic set in when we think it will be taken away from us.
Surely if machines can do this kind of connecting, then so can our fantastic human brains?
People want to write, to output, to speak their mind, to scream out. A friend who is a poet tells me that a poetry magazine has 4,000 subscribers, but 60,000 contributers. Our voice has been blocked for a long time, we have not been allowed to speak. I find it easier to write than to actually speak what I want to say. But I notice I am speaking out more often, in more places. And one day I will learn to trust in the power of transmitting my thoughts by my mind alone. And by “speaking” in the way I live my life.
When I am out and about, I learn all sorts of things. The land is like a book. The buildings have a story to tell. Interactions with people I meet give me all sorts of information if only I tune in and pick it up. Nature provides many answers by its example of how things work. There is a joy in nature that you don’t get on the Internet. And there is a fear on the internet that you don’t get in nature.
So maybe I don’t need the Internet to connect and research and speak my mind ? Maybe there are other ways, better ways. Maybe one day I will become more whole and have just one life.
(See also earlier posts: Light and Dark, Why I Need Money, Nature’s Free Internet, Mind Your Own Life, Invasion of The Telescreens, Joy and Fear, Stop Watching)