Men get angry. Women cry. That’s the classic domestic violence situation, set up as a perpetual battle between the two opposing forces. I think we have been deliberately programmed to be in some sort of perpetual Angry and Upset battle.
The upset female triggers the male anger. Men don’t like female upset, and they react.
The angry male triggers the female crying. Women don’t like male anger and they react.
We are all re-en-ACTing this Angry Upset thing like a repeating stage play, or a stuck record. It doesn’t just happen in marriages, it seems to be happening everywhere I look. And sometimes there is role reversal, thus women get angry and men get upset. For the purposes of this post, I will stick with the traditional gender programming.
Anger is FIRE, the male element. Upset is tears, the female element of WATER. We have been trained to play out a battle of WATER vs FIRE, when we actually need both. There is no need for one to try and kill off or control the other
Men control women through anger.
Women control men through upset.
Women and churches and charities like tears and upset and victims, it’s their expertise, they stay in control. They can recruit and raise money.
Men and the armed forces like angry, they can deal with that, it’s their expertise and their territory, they stay in control. Angry people are needed for wars. Wars are profitable too.
The angry person is deemed the perpetrator, the upset one is the victim. Between them they create a crime, a CRY-ME, evidence of harm. Upset is evidence of a crime. Anger in itself is not a crime.
Boys don’t cry, they are trained from very young not to. Boys and girls are colour coded from birth so they can be treated differently. Girls are not allowed to get angry, it’s unfeminine.
Where does the woman’s anger and fire go to ? Does it manifest as passive aggressive, a backhanded and secretive way of manipulating people, and venting anger upon them ? Or maybe it is completely turned inwards as ANGst, anxiety.
Where does the male upset go to ? Does it come out as an internalised stomach upset ? Messing up the intuitive gut feeling.
Maybe boys get angry precisely because they are not allowed to be upset. Maybe girls get upset precisely because they are not allowed to get angry.
Sometimes, women suppress their upset so they don’t aggravate the male anger, now they are suppressing both Angry and Upset ! But at least everything is polite and friendly on the surface.
Similarly men sometimes suppress their anger so they don’t turn on the female tears.
YIN us the female crYINg. YANG is the male ANGer.
Maybe if we all were allowed to express either angry FIRE or upset WATER as appropriate when we needed to, but not to control, there would ultimately be a lot less battle and crime around, and in particular the most ancient battle of all, The Battle of the Sexes.
But it is not easy to express Angry or Upset in a genuine way that does not control, or is not an age old reaction to the opposite emotion that triggered your loaded emotional gun. Not when you are trained otherwise.
Have you noticed how children control their parents through behaving angry or upset ? It’s a good way for kids to get attention if they don’t get enough of the right sort of attention. And anyway we are all used to angry and upset battles as daily life in Western culture. It’s normal.
An interesting diversion of angry and upset is to target it at someone who has nothing to do with the original cause. I would suggest that this is happening most of the time. And that our emotions are actually a reenactment of a memory that has been triggered.
So the man gets angry with the appearance of Upset, no matter who the person is who is acting Upset. It is the emotion that he sees that makes him angry. Similarly, the woman gets upset by Angry, regardless of who it is being angry. Angry and Upset are the two forces in battle, and we have been trained to be on one side or the other from birth, according to our genitals.
The battle is constantly fuelling itself.
This is a battle I have been drawn into time and time again. I have recently worked out a way to disengage from the battle… ….by not taking anything personally and not targeting anything personally. As soon as I see that it is all part of a world stage play, in which I am just a small part actor playing either the role of Angry, or the role of Upset, then it starts to diffuse.
The Hot Springs of Bath is hot water. Fire and water together. It is a fiery volcano that heats up natural water. The hot water is freely provided by nature, but the access is hogged and gatekeepered by the elite. The hot springs are renowned for their healing properties, in particular for the skin, the largest organ of the body, and the one we use to sensually touch and know each other. When Water and Fire are in harmony, and are present within us all, then we have healing.
The goddess of the Hot Springs was the Welsh goddess Sul. Until the Romans took over in the first century of Roman time, and created their own overlay of the Roman goddess Sulis Minerva. Maybe this is the point at which the harmony changed to battle. Romans are known for their war and invasion.
(See earlier related posts: Match Made in Heaven, Hot Springs Go Cold, and other posts on the Hot Springs and on the city of Bath, Romans Remain, New Roman Times, Roads to Roam)